wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
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I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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