I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.