Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
