Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
why do cheetos always look like penises
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
