Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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