I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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