Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
