I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
