My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
