I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
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She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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