Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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