i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
