My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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