So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
