When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
