i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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