the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
there is puke in my bra ... again
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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