i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
