I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
