You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
