also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
