I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
