There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
