They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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