You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
