I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
