I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
