I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
