My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
