hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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