she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize