I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
