this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize