Pappa wants mamma naked
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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