Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him