I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
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And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
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Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT