Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail