I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
