can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
