Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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