i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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