it was like his penis was on wheels.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize