I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
do herpes really smell.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
this must be what syphilis tastes like
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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