Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
