We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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