Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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