I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
