Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
