Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
