im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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