I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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