She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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