sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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