Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
