where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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