my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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