omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
