found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
