Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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