i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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