yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
